Last week I told you all about that bad mother Steve Austin, AKA The Six Million Dollar Man. This week well discuss Jaime Sommers, AKA The Bionic Woman. First I've got to be honest with you all, I'm kind of biased when it comes to Jaime. She is, after all, the perfect woman.

People talk about that Barbie chick as being perfect. Bullsh*t! She alway drives a lame pink car, likes to wear sequined crap, her dream house is a one bedroom garage, and her boyfriend seems to be having a sexual identity crisis.

Jaime, on the other hand, drives a tricked out sports car, holds down a full-time teaching job with great benefits, loves animals, always finds time for daring action packed secret missions, and has bionic hearing. In fact when you shake your Jaime Sommers action figure you can actually hear the bionic pinging. Beat that Barbie!

Oh yeah, did I mention her cool accessories? The Bionic Beauty Salon, where Jamie goes for her bionic tune-up, is so cool! Bionics are kind of like cars, they need to be checked out and adjusted every thousand miles or so, which is a small price to pay to be able to open those really tight peanut butter jars with your bare hands. But here's the cool part - while you're fixing her bionics you can fix up her hair and make up, so she's already for a hot date with Steve.

You wanna talk cool pads? Jaime has got herself an inflatable dome house. Its hip, stylish, and highly functional. Lets say Steve has too much too drink and falls, boom, he bounces right back up. I know alot of people who could use a house like that. And to top it off her house comes with a special powder blue lounging outfit. I paid over $200,000 for my house and I didnt get no lounge outfit.

The cool thing about Jaime isnt confined to to just one outfit. She is just as comfortable in her urban cowboy duds as she is in her Nasa style jumpsuit, complete with matching sneakers. And thats not it. Shes got a hot little tennis getup and an incredible gold lame number for the occasional contest. And did I mentione she's only 12 1/4"" tall? That means you can fit her and your lunch into a Bionic Woman lunch box.

I think a lot of kids relate to Jaime better than Barbie, because Barbie has no enemies. That means no fights to the death, no falling boulders, no time bombs hidden the trunks of cars. Lets be realistic what fun is playing with a action figure if theres no action?

No Bionic Woman collection is complete with out her arch enemy the Fembot, a sexy robot with removable faces that Jaime can have a no holds barred cat fight to the death.

The funny thing about female action figures is they always have some socially redeeming real life job, unlike male action figures. For Jaime its the classroom set where she spends her days shaping the young minds of her students. But hidden in her desk shes got her secret video viewer so she can read those mission assignments that Oscar sends her. Evidently her students are not very bright since she neglects to hide the big Call OSI message on the chalkboard.

Sure Steve Austin got more accessories, cooler vehicles, scarier enemies, more gadgets, a backpack radio. However, at the end of the day, Jaime goes home knowing she has helped her students and taken a bite out of crime.

When its comes down to it, its all about the children. After all theyre the ones who beg their parents to buy them all these cool toys.