My first make believe girlfriend was Jaime Sommers, you know TVs bionic woman. I had the dig on her big time but there was a couple of problems. One, I was six years old and I wasnt allowed out after dark which seriously cramps any type of dating. Two, she had the dig on Steve Austin, TVs Six Million Dollar Man. I had pajamas with feet pads, Steve had a bionic grip and detachable limbs. You cant compete against bionics. I soon realized Steve was the better man, or at least the man.

I mean, this guy could pick up car engines and run real real fast, sh*t, he beat up Bigfoot, and thats pretty cool.

Bigfoot and the six million dollar bank

Nowadays Ive got to admit I like Steve better than Jaime. Ive realized that the bionic man has better accessories. Steve got a Space TransportJaime got a Bionic Beauty Salon. Steve got a Mission Control CenterJaime got a Bionic Dome House. Steve got robotic arms with lasersJaime got bionic hearing. Im sorry but thats about the lamest power you can have. Its right up there with having a really really bendy thumb.

Steve's arch enemy Maskatron

A good bionic man collection starts with the 13 Steve Austin movable action figure, complete with bionic eye and bionic arm. The eye is pretty much just a hole in Steves head, but that bionic arm is pretty cool. With that arm Steve can lift up to two pounds, or the cool plastic car engine that he comes packaged with.

Then youve got to add the critical assignment arms, with realistic skin. Those babies allow Steve to use his arm as a space-age laser, a kung fu neutralizer or a high altitude oxygen mask. Of course you need to buy the backpack radio so you can listen to all those great AM radio stations. Use the backpack to pretend Steve is on assignment, at a swap meet south of the border.

Steve with his new biosonic arm

In order to maintain Steves six million dollars worth of bionics you got to get your hands on a transport and repair station so you can give him his 5,000 mile check up. It has the operating computer with control panel that doesnt actually do anything. Then theres the Blow Up Mission Control Center so Steve can catch up on those Mannix repeats they show on FX.

What would an undercover secret intelligence operation be without an uptight, by the book, bad hair, authority figure? Enter Oscar and his top-secret briefcase.

Steve's cool robotic arm with laser

Now a lot of fans would stop there. Sure you can have hours of fun with Steve and Oscar lifting plastic engines. However, what good are bionic powers if youre not using them to kick some bad guys ass, like Bigfoot, who looks a little too much like a non-peace loving Jerry Garcia. I personally like a good fight with Maskatron, Steves arch enemy.

Kids learn valuable lessons about good and evil while making Maskatron's arms, legs, and even head fly off. And talk about super powers, Maskatron has a vise grip arm that can open up even the most stubborn of beer cans and a super suction arm that can give Steve a pretty realistic hickey! Just wait and see what the Bionic Woman does when she sees Steves love bite!

Oscar Goldman and the Mission Control Center

Next week well talk about Jaime Sommers and if youre really good Ill show you some of the rare prototype bionic toys Ive discovered like the Bionic-Pull-My-Finger Super Action Hand.